Friday, April 9, 2010

this is deep...like arm floaties deep

this week has been rather hellacious. HMM, did you know hellacious has a variety of meanings; 1 : exceptionally powerful or violent 2 : remarkably good 3 : extremely difficult 4 : extraordinarily large, thanks Merriam-Webster online! I am obviously referring to the 3rd definition, extremely difficult.

Before I go into detail I have the post about Vegas all set and ready to go, I just need to take the time to download the pictures from Vegas so you don't just read a 85 page dissertation on our Vegas adventure. Instead you will have 85 pages of reading, and another 85 pages of pictures, won't that be fun!?!

Monday and Tuesday were just exhausting, because, well, aren't they always after a weekend jam packed with fun?! Wednesday is when the hellacious-ness really got ampted up.

I go to an extremely fun meeting for work every few weeks, and when ever I get back to the office I feel like this...



When I got home from work I had a voicemail from our landlord and she was letting us know our stupid-goodfornothing-ghettoass-nothingbettertodothenfindstupidissues hoa sent her a letter and the hoa guidelines that states we cannot put a stake in the ground for khloe to be able to run around the front yard...oh wait, that is the ONLY yard we have. Never mind that our neighborhood is so ghetto I am sometimes afraid to walk in the street or alley because people drive like a bat out of hell at 40+mph...if my baby khloe were to find herself out there she would be a pancake! And you better believe the person that did it would be dead and I would be behind bars! Thus, the little metal stake and the 15 foot little leash was not just something we thought would be fun, it is a NECESSITY! This new rule also means khlo-belle can no longer play with the neighbor girls. Khloe is at the stage where she runs around and will purposely play the "cat and mouse" chasing game, so she is NOT ALLOWED outside with some type of leash.

After this news i felt like this...


Yesterday I had a raging headache all afternoon, and thus I needed this....big time...

My last and final complaint is one that is hard for me to express. It is hard for me to express in words with out sounding like a total bratbroadbitch, which ever word you prefer to use.

The beauty of my blog is well, read the word before blog, it is all mine! This is where i get to track all of the memories Scott and I make, but is also an outlet for me. Sometimes I don't get to use it that way because I am afraid of who reads it. I have recently come to realize that I cannot make everyone love me, therefore I cannot be afraid to express my feelings and frustrations in the blog I created to document my life and the life of Scott and I. My feelings are always written across my face, I cannot hide if I am annoyed with you, frustrated or stressed. You can see it on my face like a bright red road cone. Therefore, if I don't express who I am on this blog how is it really a reflection of me?? good question right? I thought so too...so here it goes...don't judge me...

Scott is in the Navy and currently on "shore duty," that means he will not be deployed, aka he will sleep at home at night...which is completely wonderful and amazing. I am so grateful that we get to start our marriage and not have Scott take a fantastic voyage on a massive military metal floating piece of machinery. However, between working the 12 hour days, going to school and being on call almost every other weekend depending on him is like depending on social security when i am 65...fat chance! Don't get me wrong, Scott, as my husband is ridiculously dependable...even better then the old people underwear, Depends....hahaha... But dependable in the sense that when he has a Friday "off" we can have lunch, or that he can work on the damn invites so they can go in the mail tomorrow, notsomuch. It is a frustration that I know I am going to have to work through.

My fear is that right now he isn't supposed to be as busy as when he is back on sea duty. So if this is an easy workload, what the hell is going to happen when we go back to sea duty?!!! I want to have kids, and since I am pretty sure Scott will never go back to shore duty because he looooves being on a ship there will never be a "good" time. I know the reality of it is he will only get busier and busier as his career continues. I know that with 100000000% certainty because I grew up with my Dad being in the Navy, so it is kind of a no brainer to have that realization. In fact, I'd be pretty naive and blind to the situation if I did accept the realization.

One of my few downfalls (ha!) is that I might realize something and have to accept it but it doesn't mean I will be happy about it.

I know that I knew all of this when we started dating and got married. I am currently working at trying to figure out how to happily accept it and not always take it out on Scott and be upset.

maybe I need to remember this...


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