Friday, February 3, 2012

being my husband's completer, not his competer

I had planned to do a post about the January photo challenge that I did on instagram, but my heart was pulling me in a different direction. Not just a tiny tug, but like whoa! Yanking me to spill my heart out.

I started my second bible study a few weeks ago called "Enhancing your Marriage". The last study I finished up in December was more generic but I still felt like I was able to apply almost all of it to strengthening my marriage. I was so excited and eager to start this study and it has not disappointed me.

We made some serious life changes last summer. Like whoa, quiting my job, changing our spending and really focusing on getting our marriage to be stronger and our walk with the Lord to be better.

I was feeling the Lord tug at my heart with regards to how I was acting in our marriage. While I wasn't doing anything crazy I just didn't feel like I was being the best wife I could be or the wife the Lord wanted me to be.

I have debated sharing this for a while now because I feel like some people will read this and laugh. They will think I am nuts. I promise you I am not. I don't expect anyone to read this and then change who they are. This blog is for me, to share who I am becoming and to maybe inspire others.

In both of the studies I have spent a lot of time reading Genesis and the story of Adam and Eve. I have learned so much. I have had so many "ah ha" moments as well as a ton of moments where I realized I was being a horrible wife, friend and supporter of my husband. Gosh, admitting that "out loud" was a bit difficult. Admitting you are not doing your best isn't fun, but it is the truth.

This passage in the study really helped that "ah ha" moment happen in my head:

God created someone who would respond perfectly to her male counterpart, completing him by her response to him. In short, woman was created to be the responder.

I don't allow Scott to always be in control and therefore I don't respond to him. I react and then expect him to respond to me. That is not how God planned for it to work.

My role is to help and support Scott in any way that I can. I know that I do this a lot but not always.  Not with everything and not always wholeheartedly. I need and want to do a better job at supporting him.

It was Adam who was first created, and then Eve
1 Timothy 2:13

From the beginning Adam was intended to be the accountable and reasonable leader, protector, and provider in his environment. This was God's intent back then and it is still the same today.

Reading this verse and really breaking down it's meaning was like being hit on the head with a hammer. It wasn't a light revelation, it was like BOOM! Here it is girlfriend, plain and simple, in black and white. Read it and be changed, and changed I was.

{this where I think some might think I've done lost my mind and jumped off the deep end}

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Ephesians 5: 21-24

I need to give my husband back ALL control. In today's society this is not what we are taught. We are taught as women to fend for ourselves, support ourselves, be strong enough to do it on our own. I totally believe every woman should know that she can handle this crazy thing called life on her own. But now that I have done that and found the man I am meant to spend the rest of my life with I don't need to worry about being all "I am woman here me roar".

I want to be a wife that supports her husband 100% all of the time. I don't want to question his decisions {because I know he is making these decisions based on what the Lord is showing us to do}. This isn't to say that he won't ask for my advice or help {after all this is what the Lord says we are there to do, give our suggestions and advice}. I just want to know that we are doing the right thing because we have the correct order in our house:
  1. The Lord
  2. Scott
  3. me
The idea of this order in our house is not something I really thought about for the first 2 years of our marriage. I have been working very hard over the last 6 months to make sure our order is right. Even if I have Scott before me if we do not have the Lord first we are a sinking ship in rough waters.

This desire to make sure the order in our house is correct becomes stronger and stronger every day. I feel the Lord whispering in my ear to trust in him and to trust in my husband. I feel and see constant reminders that he is taking care of us and blessing us. He is showing me that if I have my faith strong and first he will not let us/me down.

My hope is to continue to be a better helper mate to Scott.


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