Thursday, April 19, 2012

thoughts for thursday {putting on a happy face}

Happy Friday Eve, the weekend is almost upon us. What fun plans do you have lined up for this weekend? I will be having brunch with a new bloggy friend, shopping with Liz {we might do that every weekend!} and of course church on Sunday. Hopefully this weekend also includes hearing my sweet man's voice.

Today I am linking up with the adorable Manda Jane from Elf House Chronicles

The last few days I have been in a bit of a funk. I feel like sometimes I put on a happy face and power through things. I am the strong girl, I take on that role. I often times tell myself to suck it and get over it because there are people in far worse situations than you are. However, that doesn't mean I don't have the right to feel sad, angry, upset or just down right fed up.

For the last year we have been on a roller coaster ride when it comes to orders and where we will go next. I have been so patient. Taking what ever new possibility comes our way. It seems like since last May we have had some type of life changing {for the military} news every 6-8 weeks. So every few months I accept something new. Orders to Japan, orders being pulled because we have an OCS package in. If we didn't get accepted in September we would get orders in October and most likely have moved in November or December. I was ready for all of it.

We were blessed beyond words when we found out Scott was accepted into OCS. They said early spring to summer would be the soonest Scott would go to Officer Candidate School. Thus we began to think we would be here in Ventura until well into Fall of 2012. WRONG. Right after thanksgiving we got the letter that said Scott would report to OCS in January. January is not spring or summer! Ok, new plan. As you can see things just keep on a'changin. We have to roll with the punches. It's the military, we all know you plan for the unexpected.

After a year of rolling with it all I'm starting to feel a bit defeated. I'm feeling like I am living in limbo and I just don't like it anymore. I try and pretend it doesn't bother me but it does. My patience is wearing thin. I am starting to feel like life is all topsy turvy and the drivers seat is empty while I'm in the back seat barely strapped in.

I tell myself this is the military life, you know that better than anyone. But you know what, I can still be annoyed. I can still be frustrated. My friend Liz heard my cries of frustration on Tuesday and texted the golden words "taco tuesday" in a text, yes please! While sipping our flaco margarita and sangria she reminded me that I am allowed to feel this way. I am allowed to be pissed off for a bit. To get it out so I can move on. Yes, that is what I needed to do. Let it out, be pissed off. Remind myself that I don't have to hold it all in. I also don't need to vent it out via witchy, boohoo, depressed facebook posts {i may have a few people in my feed that tend to do that and it drives me nuts!}. 

As these last few weeks of OCS wind down I am beginning to get antsy and the frustration of the unknown is peaking it's little head out and laughing at me. I have to remind myself I am only human, I don't need to be the happiest gal all the time, I need to lean on the Lord more and remember his plan is perfect. His timing is sometimes hard to accept but that is life. Most importantly I need to remember I can express those feelings, it is good to do so in order to keep moving forward.


Meg {henninglove} said...

i can relate exactly to this roller coaster of frustration with the military since my dad was in the Air Force. although I'm sure my mom was more frustrated than I since she was his wife and trying to raise three children. when i was young I was always mad with the transition and constant change and then eventually I learned to accept it and realize I can't be in control when it comes to having a family member in the military, just have to accept it and roll with the punches

The New Normal said...

You are certainly allowed to be angry and frustrated, and to vent about it too! Getting it out helps you to sort out your feelings so you can see clearly. Life with the military is so frustrating and we do our best to roll with the punches, but sometimes it just sucks and we need to voice our opinion! I hope things settle down and become more certain for you soon!

Manda Jane said...

yes - you are allowed! and it's so important to voice all those feelings! I think as strong, supportive women we sometimes feel like we can't ever let anyone see the crack or the frustration or the anger. But we are only human. And in order for us to be those strong women, we have to let it all out sometimes and re-group! Thanks for linking up! And for being honest! I always love an honest blog post!

Ioana-Carmen said...

Hy sweetie! Lovely post! Check my blog and tell me if you wanna follow each other?!:X

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