Friday, June 8, 2012

Adoption: praying for direction

From a very early point in our relationship Scott and I have talked about adoption. Both his mother and my father are not our biological parents, but the love the grew up giving us had nothing to do with blood. We have always said we would love to adopt. We never went into great detail but we knew our hearts were open to it.

Two years ago we began to try to start a family. Dozens of ovulation strips, doctors appointments, blood test and a few procedures later we have yet to conceive a child. The end of 2011 was a dark time for me. Despite all the blessings the lord had given Scott and I the one I wanted most was going unanswered.

Source: via Art on Pinterest

As 2012 started I struggled to understand Gods plan. I struggled to understand why my uterus was incapable of creating a child for Scott and I to love. Scott left for OCS in mid January, with him gone I felt the the lord working in my heart. He was showing me his plan, he was reminding me that all things work in his time. When Scott was injured in OCS and his graduation date was moved back one of my first thoughts was, thank gosh I am not pregnant. Had I gotten pregnant in the fall of 2011 I would have been due when he was set to graduate, the end if may.

Soon after Scott had left I began thinking about adoption and foster care more and more. I could feel the lord working in my heart to really truly think about these options as a way to start our family.

At the end of 2011 when we had stopped trying to start a family I had no idea what was next. I felt like my heart was hardened. Now as 2012 was underway I felt the lord calling me, opening my heart. Showing me his plan.
As winter turned to spring I felt my heart soften, I felt content. A feeling that I had not felt in a long time, years. I had spent the last few years trying to plan our future. God was working in me to show me it is all in his time.

As we begin to start the next chapter of our lives, a move across the country and Scott starting out his new job as an officer in the United States Navy I feel the lord speaking to us. Whispering in our ear to look into foster care. Look into adoption.

On my flight to Rhode Island I began reading the book kisses from katie. As I read each word and each page I feel the Lord is speaking to me. He is so amazingly clear in his message. He is telling me to really open my heart to adopt. To make it happen. To give a child or children a loving home. To open my heart to the unknown. We have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. We will live a life that will never leave us needing or without. Luke 12:48 says " from everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

I am spending time in prayer each day asking God to show us exactly what he wants us to do.


My Traveling Troop said...

Best of luck on your journey to parenthood! Whether you get pregnant or adopt, I know you will make a wonderful mother!

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!

a blog full of weldons. said...

i agree with the above will be a fantastic mom, no matter how God blesses you with your family. my heart swells anytime someone feels led to consider adoption/foster care. to at least consider...i wish more would do the same...pray and consider. you might look back and see the start of something amazing God is doing in your life.
much love to you friend!

Kristina said...

This was such an inspiring post. This past week I had the terrible experience of an ectopic pregnancy and I have tons of fear just thinking about the future (especially considering everyone is saying they can wait till I heal so we can try again) I may not ever want to try again out of fear. I am so glad I found this post. It gives me inspiration to push through the sadness in hopes the future will be easier for us.

Emmy said...

Oh Jen... DO IT! Adoption is an amazing, wonderful, fabulous thing. I can tell you having had one child that I grew in my belly and one that grew in my heart that there is NO DIFFERENCE in how you feel when that baby is in your arms. For me, pregnancy was not my favorite thing in the world, and while I know you will probably always have that ache... adoption is amazing!!! I know you will be living across the country, but I hope you will consider coming out for my Adoption/Infertility Conference in February. Praying for you sweet friend! XOXO

Gina said...

such a beautifully written post. i am thinking and praying for you and scott on your journey to parenthood. :)gina

Alissa Circle said...

Jen, I loved this post! I love your heart, openness and honesty. I know I don't know the emotions that you've experienced, but I know that you will be an amazing mother! And the child that you and Scott are given by God will be one blessed child to have amazing parents to love him/her. Praying for you as your heart journey's through this. Blessings friend.

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