Monday, October 15, 2012

How God Wrecked me at Influence Conference

I wrote this post yesterday on my way home...

I just ordered a turkey burger at a restaurant in the midway airport, I'm about half way home from influence, words are swirling in my head and yet I don't know that I can find the right words to put onto paper.
To say the conference was good would be like saying I like to eat. UNDERSTATEMENT

I was a bit overwhelmed scared and stressed the few days leading up to the conference.

As soon as I landed I felt a sense of peace wash over me.

I relaxed and waited for Jenna to arrive to share a cab and head to the Sheraton.

The moment we started chatting the fellowship of the weekend began.

I arrived at the hotel and met up with Moriah and Rebecca, my roomies for the first night.  Again fun and fellowship. We didn't really do anything spectacular or fun, just prepped stuff for the conference laughed and chatted.

Rebecca and I went to dinner, we laughed, talked and guessed what the conference would be like. My nerves and stress were gone. The Lord was showing me the amazingness of other christian women's hearts.

Every meal I ate with others was an amazing time of fellowship.

Every time I saw Jessi I pretty much crumbled into a crying hot mess.

God broke me down.

He tore me apart in the most beautiful way.

Words are hard to find.

They cannot describe the way my heart felt.

I do have a confession. Sometimes it was hard for me to be social and present when I was meeting new people.

My heart and my head were processing all the amazing speakers and their words. I was hanging on to it all. My brain was trying to make sense of it and heart was trying to feel it all.

Hearing Jessi and Hayley speak on their heart being called to do this conference still gives me goosebumps.

To hear Jessi talk about how she would be up all hours of the night praying for us. All of us who were coming to this conference. Wow.

God reminded me that everything needs to be done for him. FOR HIM. Wow.

what am I doing every day? Do I wake up and give it all to him. NO.

Do I say God this is your day lead me and show me what you want me to do in this world? NO

What the heck am I doing?

I learned things like saying no before saying yes to something.

As I shared with people that I have an etsy shop but it is on vacation mode and I have no desire to open it back up I realized it felt good to say that. It felt freeing. God was showing me his plans. He was showing me the shop may not be for this season in my life. It was something I needed to get to where I am today.

I was confident with being me. I didn't try to emulate someone else like I often times do. I was me and it felt good. Sometimes it didn't feel good because he showed me the negative side to me, which was still good. He showed me the ugliness that people sometimes see.

I was sometimes awkward, I cried no less than 4 times a day. Ugly crying in front of people I just met or didn't even know. But you know what, it was ok.

I realized things about myself that I am not yet ready to share. Maybe I will never share it here in this space, but believe me I learned it this weekend.

I'll be sharing more details {and photos} all week with tons of Influence blog posts. I hope you won't get tired of hearing about how God wrecked me in the best way possible.


Bernadette Veenstra said...

so glad to have met you!

Chrissy Boerman said...

can't wait to hear more!

Sandy a la Mode said...

sounds like it was an AMAZING time!!

Sandy a la Mode

Mandy @ This Girl's Life said...

I can only imagine how many times I would have cried if I had been there. :) Hugs to you and I can't wait to hear more about it! I had so much fun following along on Instagram. :)

Kimberly Montgomery said...

Wow. I found you from Erin on LIY. And I jumped over to see what your thoughts were about the Influence Conf. Your post spoke to me. Spoke enough that I needed to tell you. When you realized it felt good to actually say that you don't have a desire to re-open your shop & that it felt freeing and that God is showing you His plan...Well, a light (and peace) came over me too. There is a "project" that I put on vacation and have been struggling with...I value this project but I'm not feeling it. I hated to give it up...but I also want to give it up. Weird. Reading your post helped me see that if I give up the project it doesn't mean I've given up what I'm supposed to be doing. In fact, maybe the project is keeping me from doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
Thanks so much for such awesome sharing.

Amanda said...

God wrecked me too. In a beautiful way.

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