Wednesday, June 19, 2013

live life anchored {what i wore & marriage ramblings}

Marriage is hard. 

There I said it. 

That first sentence should be no surprise to anyone.  I never thought marriage would be easy, but some days man do I feel like a failure.  

Last night in our small group we discussed Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. {this is my second time in a few weeks reading this verse, clearly God is reminding me of what I need to do.}

We talked about how we think the bad things come out in us because of our spouses actions and that is the root of the nastiness.  Really the bad things are in us and they come out of you regardless of who is with you.  Meaning the nastiness is me, my feelings and my issues are why I act like a crazy person and flip out when Scott doesn't put the tupperware away like I like {true story.}  

For what ever reason I am able to not loose my cool openly when others do things to upset me, but when my husband does I act like a crazy banshee.  I think often times I am not even upset at anything he does, I am upset at something earlier or with myself and I take it out on him. 

The person I love most, I often treat the worst.  

That was a hard statement to write. Admitting that makes me feel horrible.  

I am working on trying to not get upset and take my anger, frustration, insecurities etc out on my husband.  In our small group we talked about getting to the root of a feeling.  Am I really feeling angry or am I using that word to mask a feeling I don't want to admit to?  Maybe I am embarrassed, embarrassed for a situation I was in or that I did something my husband did not like.  Instead of saying I am embarrassed I mask that feeling with anger and yell and then of course cry. 

shirt: printed palette // skirt: forever 21 // wedges : target

I love this shirt from the Printed Palette.   Live Life anchored, it is a great reminder for me. It is a reminder to make sure my life is anchored to the word and Jesus.  To make sure I don't loose sight of doing all things for him. 

I often times feel like I am not good enough, or worthy of his love.  But that is the beauty of his love, it is unconditional.  None of us are worthy and yet he loves each and every one of us.  
No power on earth or heaven can separate us from God's love. Not our sin, not any authority, not any spiritual force. God's love is unshakable and can always be relied upon. 
Romans 8: 38-39

These verses in Romans are also a reminder that if God can love me my issues and all, ALL of the time I can surely love my husband, ALL of the time.  If God can forgive me every day I can forgive my husband.  I am not any better than he is, no sin is greater or lesser, they are all sins and God forgives them all, therefore I surely can forgive the tupperware cabinet not being to my liking {again, true story}. 

I struggled sharing this today on the blog, but I want to be honest here. I want to be able to share my feelings, even if they aren't pretty.  I need to say these things so I can remind myself I do not want to act that way. 

pleated poppy


Katie Did What said...

I have that top, too, and LOVE it!! That verse is one of my very favourites, and one that I am constantly finding myself stumbling upon, time and time again.


Mandy Ford said...

Love the top (that saying is my favorite!) and I can completely relate to this. I try really hard when I'm feeling upset or frustrated with my husband to stop and think where my feelings are really coming from. It is so easy to take our frustrations out on the ones we are with and love the most.

She Dabbles said...

Good for you for sharing and being honest. And, I love that skirt :)

Oh, She Dabbles

Erika @ rouge + whimsy said...

"The person I love most, I often treat the worst."

this is SO true for me. SO SO SO true. I am so guilty of coming home and rather than saying hi to my husband, immediately seeing what he hasn't done since he got home (he gets home before me.) It's a horrible, horrible, horrible habit of mine!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I found you through the pleatedpoppy. Thank you for sharing this post. I can so totally relate to it right now. Silly little things cause me to lash out at my husband. I don't want to be that person. Just good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this, and trying to do better. -Elaine

Sarahendipity said...

This is beautiful, Jen! I appreciate you putting your heart out there! Marriage is hard, but the reward is sooo great. I can relate to your feelings--been there done that soo many times. I have almost been married for 15 years...eeeep! I once was a Navy wife {and Navy daughter} and understand how it can make your relationship difficult. Keep up the great work and following God's design for a marriage. The last few years have been some of the greatest in our marriage. Keep working and loving. You will see the rewards! xoxo Sarah {@casadecupcake ☺}

My name is Rita said...

Cute outfit! I want that shirt! If you get a chance, please link up your outfit to my What We Wore Party:

Callie said...

I love how you paired your top with your skirt! The colors are so fun. You look amazing!

Sarah Notes said...

Ugh. I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say we treat the people we love the most the worst. What IS that?? I have a tendency to take my frustrations out on my kids--NOT my proudest admission! I really appreciate that you were brave and shared your struggles. I have a few verses I've memorized that I start to repeat over and over again when I'm starting to get upset. Little by little, it's getting better!

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