Tuesday, July 9, 2013

pattern mixing {what i wore} & infertility ramblings

Today is a day that is kind of hard for me to deal with.  It is a date I never really thought I would have etched in my brain, but life is funny that way. It throws you curve balls when you least expect it.

gold chevron necklace: Lisa Leonard // turquoise necklace: made by me // top: Forever21 // skirt: Ross // heels: JCPenney {$5, a total steal!} // purse: free {slightly embarrassing but I found it in the trash at an old job. it was a desk trashcan, not the dumpster!}

3 years ago we decided to stop birth control and try to start a family.  3 years later we have no baby but instead countless doctors appointments to go to, and countless procedures to cross off the list as being tried.  Most days are fine, but every now and again it is hard.  It is frustrating.  We have been trying to start a family since before people we know who now have kids were even married! That is often times a hard pill to swallow.  

I remind myself it will all happen in Gods time and according to his plan, but damn it, sometimes I want to scream and yell and ask him why! Ask him why he gave me such a desire when I was so young to be a mom and then for our journey to start a family to be such a struggle. 

We are trying to embrace life right now and do things we know will no longer be so easy once we have kids. 

Over the holiday weekend we took a last minute day trip to Richmond, VA. Just about an hour and a half northwest of us.  It was so easy to jump in the car and go. As much as I try and tell myself to enjoy these things I can't help but sometimes get a bit sad and jealous when I see others posting pictures of their new adventures with baby in tow. 

Each day I think I am slowing getting to a better place. I know I am in a far better place today than I was about 18 months ago. 


2 comments:

blm said...

best of luck to you guys. i am so thankful that you share this journey on your blog. while terrible and frustrating, it's at least nice to know we are not alone. my husband and i have been trying without success for over a year--and our base is isolated in northern japan. i can't even get an "infertility" referral until october--and after running a bunch of tests my doctor isn't confident that will even get us anywhere either. :(

Amanda McCellon said...

We have been trying for 2 years. We have been told we will have to see a fertility specialist. We have prayed a lot about if that is the right choice for us. We have seriously looked into adoption. Some days (more than I care to admit) I'm resentful of my husband because he has children. We have them full time, but it's not the same. And now we cant get pregnant due to a complication with his diabetes. I'm mad more times than not. I don't understand why life is so unfair. Why 6th graders and crack addicts can have babies but we cannot. All I can say is your not alone. And I'm saying a prayer for you.

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