Monday, October 7, 2013

infertility and comparison


I totally forgot to post yesterday, whoopsie.  

I find myself playing the comparison game, a lot. I am guilty of it in so many aspects of my life but I think I do it most often when it comes to being pregnant/having a baby.  When I see a new post on Instagram or Facebook announcing someone's pregnancy I can't help but start comparing my life to theirs. 

It never ends well. 

I often end up crying or being beyond angry. 

Not angry at them, but angry at my situation. 

The feeling of anger seems to be happening less and less, which reminds me of the progress I have made about dealing with my infertility.

But I still can't shake the comparison game. I compare their age, how long they've been married, etc. Some aren't and that is also a hard pill to swallow, the post about someone who wasn't planning to get pregnant. And then sometimes i count how many times a day they complain about their pregnancy and then how many times a day the complain about their newborn/toddler.  I know it sounds crazy, but the people who complain about EVERY.SINGLE.THING make me want to scream. It's hard to see someone make a huge deal out of not being able to take cough medicine while pregnant while I can't get pregnant.  I know they are not rubbing it my face but they are still hard posts to read.

I'm trying to remind myself that we often tend to compare our bad with other peoples good, not the best comparison. I know that God's plan for me is perfect.  When I stop questioning God about his plan for others and instead focus on the timing of his plan for me I am a much happier person. 

2 comments:

Cate @ Wild Ruffle said...

Oh, I have been where you are. And I'm so sorry that you are there now. I'll be praying that you have your happy ending, and that you'll see the good that He has in store for you as you wait.

Amanda McCellon said...

I am totally with you. It infuriates me to have my step-daughter come home and tell me about yet another one of her 16 y/o classmates getting pregnant. And here I am, married and stable and unable to have my own. I'm still very much in the angry at everyone and everything stage - but slowly trying to hand it all over to God and completely trust in his plan for our life. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It's much easier to play the comparison game and the 'why me' game.

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