Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Do You Have a Tribe? + what i wore

Tribe, this word seems to be popping up everywhere: Facebook, Instragram, blogging, and just about every virtual network I belong to. 

A few definitions of tribe: 

  • a group of people that includes many families and relatives who have the same language, customs, and beliefs
  • a group of persons having a common character, occupation, or interest

I've been mulling over this word for a few months now, it has made me a bit sad. Maybe sad isn't the right word to use, maybe empty is a better word. 

Sometimes the life of moving and being a military spouse leads to a bit of disconnection.  When I married Scott and left  San Diego I left a "tribe" of friends who I have known for 10+ years. It was HARD.  Over time at my first duty station as a military spouse I cultivated a group of girlfriends, they became my Port Hueneme and milspouse tribe.  

After we left the west coast and headed east these gals became my military life rock. I could text of vox them when I was feeling out of sorts as we lived in a hotel suite in a podunk town in the panhandle of Florida for three months.  I could text them when it was over 3 months and we had yet to receive a year of travel expenses incurred thanks to the military. They understood it all.  

My oldest tribe of girlfriends are also still very much a part of my life, mostly via texting and a few facetime wine nights here and there.  Their relationship is so ingrained in my life that even if we go a few weeks or months without talking we can pick up right where we left off.  The truest signs of life long friendships. 

I should almost mention I am lucky enough to have one of my milspouse tribe gals, Liz, now on the east coast with me, living in the next town over. #hooray! I also have friends I have meet through the command as well as Junior League but I still feel like I am missing something.  

I feel like I am missing a true tribe for this time in my life.  Minus Liz and my friend Steph, I feel like I am missing a group of women that are I can really let my guard down with. Where I don't have to worry that they will over think something I say in the moment.  I feel like I am missing a group of women I can look to for encouragement and support when it comes to my faith.  Maybe I am just super picky but it seems life finding a bible study type group is a lot harder than I thought.  I now realize the group of women I got to know in the Fall of 2011 and Winter of 2012 were so much more a part of my life than I could ever realize.  Those wednesday {or maybe thursday} morning meet ups rocked my world in ways that are still touching me today.  

jacket: Anthropologie // top: The Loft // scarf: Target // jeans: J Crew // booties: Target
an adorable photobomb by Khloe

While I am sure I could find a virtual tribe I really feel like life is better when you have peeps you can call up and set up a last minute coffee date with when life seems to be too much.  With Scott's 9 month deployment down to single digit weeks countdown I think this idea of a tribe has moved to the forefront of my thoughts.  

I think that I do a good job of putting myself out there and trying to meet new people, so I am kind of struggling to figure out how I can cultivate stronger friendships here in Norfolk. 


Mandy Ford said...

I've seen this word floating around a lot too lately! My "tribe" right now is made up of online friends and IRL friends that sadly don't live close by. I would love if they did...there are days when I need a coffee/thrifting date to clear my head and reignite my creativity! Hope you're able to find some local tribe members soon! :)

Amanda McCellon said...

I think I'm in the same boat as you. I am definitely missing my tribe now that I'm in my early 30's. After getting married a year and a half ago and taking on 4 step-kids full time - it seems like my group of friends from my 'before' life kinda fell away. And I have yet to cultivate a new group. I'm not sure how to go about either - I live in a very small town (the one I grew up in. Yep, I moved back 10 years later)... and everyone knows everyone. So you don't really make a new group - most groups are the same cliques from high school. If you figure it out, let me know.

Deb said...

I'm a IG follower & totally relate to this. My hubby is a pastor & I've been hurt by some women & some just don't open themselves up to me. I don't have a tribe here either. I have struggled over it so much & felt so alone. I just figure God wants to meet that need for me at this time but hopefully one day I will have that! 💗 thanks for sharing!

Kate Erickson said...

Heyo Rella! Loved your post, and although you probably already know this, you're not alone. I think as we move into our 30's and each of us decides which path our "grown up" life is going to take, we all feel a little disconnected. Our jobs, our families, our locations - they aren't confined to the high school patch or your our backyard like they used to be. But like you said, we all know the true signs of lifelong friendships, and whether they are next door and available for a coffee date, or thousands of miles away and only available via text and FaceTime, you know they're always there as your Tribe to support you, even if they may not understand everything you're going through :) Love!

AbsoluteMommy said...

It's so hard to make new friends as an adult. You'd think it would get easier as we go along our journey in life. Connections are hard to come by. And I totally understand this feeling. I'm lucky to have a few tribes: friends, family, virtual. But I get that want to have some one familiar to have coffee with. Keep trying. There is someone on the other side of this friendship waiting for you too.

Beth @ The Goad Abode said...

I've been reading Bread & Wine and thinking a lot about who my 'tribe' is lately. I've certainly had different groups at different times, but I have to say I don't really have one these days. I have several friends in a similar life stage, and I'm so thankful for that.

I'll be praying you can find a few real life friends, especially with the upcoming deployment. I agree, IRL is better than a virtual group.

Amanda Cobb said...

I love your boots!

I've moved a lot of times in my life, and it's always an adjustment making a new circle of friends and trying to keep in touch with old circles. The internet helps SO MUCH with that, I think.

blm said...

you are so NOT alone. as a milspouse living on installation for the first time (and on a teeny base in isolated northern japan) i find it even harder to find people i truly bond with. it's like, when you take out the fact that you're all milspouses, finding common ground seems much more of a task.

Lawyer Mama said...

I feel that way a lot too. And I've lived here longer than I've ever lived anywhere. Even though I'm not moving anymore, all of my friends do. And even if I put myself out there, it's hard to make those really special friends. Acquaintances are easier, true friends are soooo much harder. We'll call it the curse of us introverts - we're not shy, we just hold ourselves in a lot more.
Anyway, I'm so happy you're part of my tribe here.

Olivia Lane said...

Jen, I love the colors and patterns in this outfit. Supercute! I moved to a new city a year and a half ago for the first time ever. I am a little lonely, but things certainly improved once I connected with a faith community. I hope you find a bible study group soon. I know you'll make great friends that way.

Also wanna share, I did an internship at PETA so I lived in Norfolk, VA for a few months 10 years ago. I don't know how you feel about PETA (they aren't my fav animal rights group) but it could be a way to meet new friends. PETA did a community project called adopt-a-road, and cleaned up the streets once a month and had envelope stuffing nights too. Volunteers, and their dogs, were welcome.

Wishing you the best! (visiting from WIWW)

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