Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Thoughts on being BRAVE + date night outfit

Today marks our first week of deployment done.  Small victory cheer! 

Today also marks the day I go and sign papers to close on our first house.  We are homeowners as of today.  C-R-A-Z-Y-T-O-W-N! 

Back in July of last year while Scott was on a 6-week work adventure I was walking Khloe in downtown Ghent admiring all of my favorite houses.  I was also chatting with my girlfriends via FB messenger. As I swooned over these $500,000+ homes I jokingly told them I was going to buy a house when Scott deployed next year.  Famous last words.  

While the house we are buying is nowhere near $500,000 it is well within the price I am comfortable paying for a house.  We are buying the house we have lived in for the 17 months and we know it will be a good investment/rental property when we leave VA.  Because of that I was very adamant that the mortgage be something we knew we could potentially pay for plus the rent of a new home when we move to a new duty station in the future.  Not to say we plan to pay the mortgage and rent of a new place forever, but I needed to know if it took us some time to find renters we wouldn't be sweating bullets.   

Buying our first home while Scott is deployed has caused me a lot of emotions.  I'm slightly sad he is not here to celebrate, but alas duty calls.  It has also reminded me that we can do things we never imagined.  The irony of me buying the house and having done all the paperwork etc is that in the beginning of all of this I didn't want to buy a house.  Having a mortgage seems scary and too grown up.  I am glad my husband pushed for this, I know it is a smart investment decision and I know this is God's plan and where we are supposed to be in our life.  

Having Scott leave last week was sad.  At the same time I felt like I didn't really accept it or process it.  Maybe all the home buying stuff has me wrapped up, a good thing.  I think though, in the next few weeks it will really sink in.  As I find my new routine and go about my day sans husband I think the reality of 9 months apart will sink in. 

The day Scott left I had many many friends text and message me that they were thinking of me. They were praying for me and that they were there should I need a shoulder or just someone to chat with it.  It was a great reminder that we do not do this thing called deployment alone.  I also had a dear friend {who is not a military spouse} tell me I was brave.  I was taken aback by this statement.  I had never thought of myself as brave.  I think too often we as military spouses don't give ourselves enough credit and try to brush off deployment as no big deal.  I am guilty of it, I am guilty of being annoyed listening to someone whine about their husband being gone, every.single.day.  I am guilty of judging people who move "home" during a deployment.  I am also guilty of not thinking we are brave.  We are brave. My friend is 100% right, we are brave.  It is brave to kiss you husband goodbye and know for the next 9 months he will be serving his country.  I am thankful he will not be in harms way, but 9 months is a long time and things could change.  

I think I don't see myself as being brave because I don't see any other option.  I think maybe, powering through the 9 months and making the best of it and knowing some how, some way we will make it to the end is how I get through each day, and that is what being brave is all about. 

dress: Anthropologie // jacket: Target // tights: Target // heels // Nine West // jewelry: Fancesca's

Now that I've gotten that off my chest let's talk about this outfit I wore a few weeks ago for our early Valentine's Day dinner. I kinda want to wear it every.single.day. It was probably the best date Scott has ever taken me on.  We went to a super cute and fancy, but not too fancy, French restaurant in downtown.  There are only about 10 tables in the place and the vibe is fantastic. We had a group of 4 on one side of us speaking French and English and a couple on the side doing the same.  I felt like I was transported to another place.  We enjoyed an amazing bottle of French Pinot Noir, delicious food and hours of great conversation.  Not the normal work and day to day marriage talk, but good deep conversation about our goals, dreams and the future.  

Monday, February 10, 2014

i just want to be a happy woman + what i wore

I try and walk a good line between venting/complaining and being encouraging, but sometimes it just feels like life is too hard to view the glass as half full. 

I look at my life and remind myself of the blessings I have, I do this so often that when things get crazy I feel bad letting out a cry for help.  Scratch that, it isn't even a cry for help, more of a cry of defeat.  

I feel like the last 6 weeks have been a bit crazy. Not the "I'm so busy I don't have time for xyz", but more of the "life keeps sending curve balls and I'm running out of ways to catch them or dodge them."

I've shared on instagram and on my personal FB account that back in January we put in an offer on the house we are currently renting and the owners accepted.  I'd like to say Scott and I are buying a house, but in reality with him in deployment prep mode it is more like I am buying a house.  Whoosh, it is stressful.  The bank has all they need from us but trying to get the needed repairs is proving to be exhausting.  The repairs need to be done to the exterior of the house and since mid January we've had snow, freezing temperature and or rain each week.  I feel like I am trying to manage 5 year olds trying to get it all taken care of.  

And speaking of deployment, Scott leaves SOON. For OPSEC reasons I am not sharing the exact date but I can tell you our days together are limited.  

I think up until recently I was in denial that he was going to leave.  I was of course fully aware of the things we needed to get in order before he left, but emotionally I was in denial.  It was very recently that I finally accepted the fact that we will spend 9 months apart.  This is not our first deployment or separation, but it is still hard.  Ask any military spouse and they will tell you, those weeks leading up to deployment are THE.WORST.   

As Scott prepares for deployment I have already started taking over tasks and things that he usually handles and I can already see that I am going to need to simplify my life a bit.  I have a tendency to add to my already over full plate. With my partner in life, and the guy I rely on to keep my grounded and sane going half way around the world I think I need to step back and re-evaluate my priorities and obligations.  News flash Jen, YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL! STOP TRYING! 

As much as I want to stay busy to pass the time while Scott is deployed I also want to make sure I am not running myself ragged.  I really enjoy my job in social media, but it often times requires a little extra time spent here or there so I need to remember that when I commit to other projects.  I will of course continue to do this job that I love, thus I need to makes shifts in other areas of my life.  Saying "NO" is hard, but I really need to start learning how to let that little word fly out of my mouth.  

jacket: H&M // necklace: Macy's {gift} // top: Style and Co via the marine corps exchange //
 jeans: American Eagle // shoes: via marine corps exchange // bracelet: The Loft {gifted}

I hate when I have days where the to-do list never ends, life seems to be whizzing by and I don't have a real firm grasp on anything.  Those days usually happen once every few weeks, but lately it seems to the daily norm.  I am working on being more focused and also learning to stop and say this can wait.  Do I need to do that task at 8pm at night after a full days work or can it wait until tomorrow?  I don't want to try and be super woman, I just want to be a happy woman. 

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

February Goals + cobalt blue what i wore

Oh hello February, nice to see you! January is never a fun month in my book. Getting back into a normal routine after the holidays, the cold, the gloom. It is kinda blah for me.  We had snow here in Norfolk the last two weeks of January, it was not my for me.  Snow is great to visit and enjoy on a vacation, but I'd like our southern weather back please. 

In January I shared my word for 2014, Grace, as well as what I wanted my January goal to be. In January I wanted to focus on my marriage. I also wrote this post about marriage being hard.  I would be lying through my teeth if I didn't say January was a bit of a trying month for our marriage.  We had lots of life decisions happening, super highs and super lows. We began to really get into the deployment preparations.  We had celebratory dinners and then we had canceled date nights because we fought.  

We of course made up and both realized we had a fight over mostly little things because it is a common coping mechanism for couples before a deployment, kind of a way to distance yourself emotionally. We only have a few more weeks left before I kiss my sailor goodbye for 9 months and start the long homecoming countdown.  So for the next few weeks I will continue to focus on my marriage.  But I do have other goals for February. 

This month is all about my blog.  

I really, really want to get back into posting more regularly. 

Sharing what is on my heart, sharing my outfits, sharing things I love, sharing recipes, sharing more. 

I need to carve out time in the day to do and stick to.  

I am finally having a blog re-design. I changed my url and blog name last year and have yet to get a legit blog re-design.  I am so excited to work with Jane from Poppiness Designs

earrings: Francesca's // necklace & jacket: Forever 21 // top: H&M // pencil pants: Target
 // heels: Nine West // bracelet: the Loft, a gift // bag: Kate Spade, gift from husband

I need to write when the idea strikes.  I get an idea about a thought I want to share, I swear I'll remember it later and then when I sit down to write the words are gone.  I need to take 5 minutes and jot down the ideas and words when they come to me. 

I have a bunch of outfit posts lined up for the month and even took some great photos of our living room and reading room to share on the blog! We've lived in our house for over a year and I have yet to really share any of the rooms on the blog.  

What tips do you have for staying focused and making time for blogging, I'd love to hear them! 

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