Monday, February 10, 2014

i just want to be a happy woman + what i wore

I try and walk a good line between venting/complaining and being encouraging, but sometimes it just feels like life is too hard to view the glass as half full. 

I look at my life and remind myself of the blessings I have, I do this so often that when things get crazy I feel bad letting out a cry for help.  Scratch that, it isn't even a cry for help, more of a cry of defeat.  

I feel like the last 6 weeks have been a bit crazy. Not the "I'm so busy I don't have time for xyz", but more of the "life keeps sending curve balls and I'm running out of ways to catch them or dodge them."

I've shared on instagram and on my personal FB account that back in January we put in an offer on the house we are currently renting and the owners accepted.  I'd like to say Scott and I are buying a house, but in reality with him in deployment prep mode it is more like I am buying a house.  Whoosh, it is stressful.  The bank has all they need from us but trying to get the needed repairs is proving to be exhausting.  The repairs need to be done to the exterior of the house and since mid January we've had snow, freezing temperature and or rain each week.  I feel like I am trying to manage 5 year olds trying to get it all taken care of.  

And speaking of deployment, Scott leaves SOON. For OPSEC reasons I am not sharing the exact date but I can tell you our days together are limited.  

I think up until recently I was in denial that he was going to leave.  I was of course fully aware of the things we needed to get in order before he left, but emotionally I was in denial.  It was very recently that I finally accepted the fact that we will spend 9 months apart.  This is not our first deployment or separation, but it is still hard.  Ask any military spouse and they will tell you, those weeks leading up to deployment are THE.WORST.   

As Scott prepares for deployment I have already started taking over tasks and things that he usually handles and I can already see that I am going to need to simplify my life a bit.  I have a tendency to add to my already over full plate. With my partner in life, and the guy I rely on to keep my grounded and sane going half way around the world I think I need to step back and re-evaluate my priorities and obligations.  News flash Jen, YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL! STOP TRYING! 

As much as I want to stay busy to pass the time while Scott is deployed I also want to make sure I am not running myself ragged.  I really enjoy my job in social media, but it often times requires a little extra time spent here or there so I need to remember that when I commit to other projects.  I will of course continue to do this job that I love, thus I need to makes shifts in other areas of my life.  Saying "NO" is hard, but I really need to start learning how to let that little word fly out of my mouth.  

jacket: H&M // necklace: Macy's {gift} // top: Style and Co via the marine corps exchange //
 jeans: American Eagle // shoes: via marine corps exchange // bracelet: The Loft {gifted}

I hate when I have days where the to-do list never ends, life seems to be whizzing by and I don't have a real firm grasp on anything.  Those days usually happen once every few weeks, but lately it seems to the daily norm.  I am working on being more focused and also learning to stop and say this can wait.  Do I need to do that task at 8pm at night after a full days work or can it wait until tomorrow?  I don't want to try and be super woman, I just want to be a happy woman. 


Anonymous said...

That shirt is super fun! I love it all though! : )


Lisa - respect the shoes said...

Gorge print on that blouse!

Alyssa said...

I live on the west coast near Camp Pendleton and I am close to some military wives. I have such empathy for you ladies - you definitely need to scale down while he is away - and give yourself a break!
On another note - your outfits are beautiful!
Stay positive!
I'm stopping by from The Pleated Poppy's WIWW and from my own website

Karen C said...

This really took me back. My husband was in the Army for 22 years, and I have been right where you are now, many times. It will go really quickly. I promise. Thank you for your family's service.

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